Family Crises. A Bitter Sweet Experience

Family Crises. A Bitter Sweet Experience

We all face some sort of family crises. Humanity is exposed to different stressors, whether it be finances, lack of intimacy, addictions, and so on. How can we endure these crises? I will let you determine that as I share a few experiences.

When I was a child, I never understood the relationship between a father and mother. I never saw support or contribution from my father. This was because he was never home, and he was always working. My mother and siblings were the only relationships I felt I had. I remember one night my mom woke me up. She sat beside my bed and started to cry. She expressed to me that she was missing my father. She told me that he was coming home late because he would spend time with his brothers right after his shift. I remember her saying, “He doesn’t care about me. All he cares about is his immediate family!” I was so confused at this moment but understood that my mom had a love for her husband. That’s when I had the idea that maybe husband, and wives are supposed to be intimate, working together, and build a family together. Looking back, I realized that a stressor in the family can be a lack of support. For example, my mom lacked emotional support. She told me stories of all the great experiences she had with my dad early in marriage. My mom expressed that her relationship digressed the more he worked and avoided the family. But this improved over the years. They met with a therapist and made a few steps to get back on track. Now they have been married for 40years and are still going strong.

Another story involves my brother. When I was about 7-8 years old my mom did the same thing. She sat on the edge of my bed and started crying about something in her life. She shared with me that my older brother was involved in drugs and alcohol. One night he came home drunk and started yelling and being aggressive with my parents and siblings. This upset my family because we grew up with standards. My older brother was a kind and sweet man, but yet he adopted unhealthy habits. My parents come from a culture of being healthy. This scared them because they were aware of the possibilities of bad brain development for him. My brother’ stopped going to school and his grades dropped. After seeing my mother’s response, I too was upset. Being a child, I had this idea that my brother was going to die because of drugs and alcohol. One night I was overwhelmed with emotions and couldn’t help but bury myself in my older brother’s chest and tell him that I didn’t want him to drink and smoke anymore. Ever since this day I can’t remember a time where he picked up those habits again. My brother graduated, got a great job, and is healthier than ever.

The list continues for family crises’. My last story involves my middle brother. This was when he was 17 years old (Junior in Highschool). One night he came home in despair. My parents knew something was off, so they took him in their bedroom and asked what was up. With no delay he confessed to them that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. My mom comforted him and started making plans on how he can prepare. My dad felt like a failure and left the room. They didn’t see it then, but this drove my brother to be one of the most hard-working men I know. He learned to put his family first. He learned the value behind money. He failed, succeeded, and failed again. He always got up and was willing to humble himself and make sacrifices. Even though this was a struggle for our family financially and emotionally, things always worked out.

Even though we may not see the future, life crises can be handled. They can somehow turn out to be something good. In my family it happened to be bitter sweet.