COMMUNICATION = LOVE

Communication is a powerful tool that can bind individuals together. When I searched this term, three definitions daunted me: 

1.) It is the imparting or exchanging of information or news. 

2.) It is a letter or message containing information or news.

3.) It is the successful conveying or sharing of ideas and feelings.

This is what I gathered together for myself. Communication is an exchange or giving of information that can make one successful. In our daily conversation we are given information. We get good and bad feedback. But, no matter what, retrieving this information can be good even if it is given with negativity. Feedback helps us grow, observe ourselves, and learn.

Communication is the way to strengthen a relationship. I’ve encountered man people who ended relationships because of a lack of communication. I found that it was hard for these people to recover from these past relationships. I’ve realized that a lot of people lack closure, or in other words, a lack of communication. I’ll share with you an example of how a lack of communication can be unhealthy. Especially when ending a relationship.

I was in a five-year relationship. We both had plans of someday getting married to each other. I was in love with her. I was so excited to make vows with my best friend. But then, life started getting difficult. We both strived to hang on to our promises. But one day it all changed. One day I shared with her my struggles and insecurities and sought for her love and support. She panicked and left me. It’s been a year now and I still don’t know why she left. She never gave me a solid reason why. I was just having a bad day, shared a concern, and hoped she would help me. I assume she wasn’t having a bad day too and made the decision off of her emotions. It’s a mystery. We lacked communication. Could you imagine what this did to me? It’s obvious. I was left confused. I lacked closure. I was left with my imagination to believe that there were a lot of things wrong with me. It’s been a year since this happen and I am still recovering. What I learned from this experience is everyone deserves an explanation behind every action they take.

Communication is the biggest thing I value when it comes to a relationship. Every date I’ve been on I make sure to make communication a priority. I’d admit, I’ve probably let down a few girls the past year by not being fully committed in being in a relationship. But, I make sure I give them closure because I don’t want them to suffer like the way I did. These girls deserve an explanation. It may be hard, but I believe that this strengthens us. Communication or not, we are still learning. But, we are more successful when we are conversing with one another.

This goes for the family. Communication is needed in the bonds of marriage. Life gets hard. Both partners should be open in conversation to endure the negativities of life. I look to my parents when it comes to endurance and communication. When things get hard they always checked on each other. They would have counsels on where they were emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. If one of these three things were lacking, they would work to fix it. As a result, their marriage has lasted for 40 years. They are still going. Today it has been difficult. They are empty nesters and are caught up in a very simple routine. My dad has been isolated to his phone and my mom, her shows. The more they avoid each other, the more insecurities started seeping in. Both of them believed that they were not happy with each other. But they realized that they were caught in the web of the media and forgotten about their vows. They were able to recognize this and find ways on how they can improve. They continue because they communicate.

Family Crises. A Bitter Sweet Experience

Family Crises. A Bitter Sweet Experience

We all face some sort of family crises. Humanity is exposed to different stressors, whether it be finances, lack of intimacy, addictions, and so on. How can we endure these crises? I will let you determine that as I share a few experiences.

When I was a child, I never understood the relationship between a father and mother. I never saw support or contribution from my father. This was because he was never home, and he was always working. My mother and siblings were the only relationships I felt I had. I remember one night my mom woke me up. She sat beside my bed and started to cry. She expressed to me that she was missing my father. She told me that he was coming home late because he would spend time with his brothers right after his shift. I remember her saying, “He doesn’t care about me. All he cares about is his immediate family!” I was so confused at this moment but understood that my mom had a love for her husband. That’s when I had the idea that maybe husband, and wives are supposed to be intimate, working together, and build a family together. Looking back, I realized that a stressor in the family can be a lack of support. For example, my mom lacked emotional support. She told me stories of all the great experiences she had with my dad early in marriage. My mom expressed that her relationship digressed the more he worked and avoided the family. But this improved over the years. They met with a therapist and made a few steps to get back on track. Now they have been married for 40years and are still going strong.

Another story involves my brother. When I was about 7-8 years old my mom did the same thing. She sat on the edge of my bed and started crying about something in her life. She shared with me that my older brother was involved in drugs and alcohol. One night he came home drunk and started yelling and being aggressive with my parents and siblings. This upset my family because we grew up with standards. My older brother was a kind and sweet man, but yet he adopted unhealthy habits. My parents come from a culture of being healthy. This scared them because they were aware of the possibilities of bad brain development for him. My brother’ stopped going to school and his grades dropped. After seeing my mother’s response, I too was upset. Being a child, I had this idea that my brother was going to die because of drugs and alcohol. One night I was overwhelmed with emotions and couldn’t help but bury myself in my older brother’s chest and tell him that I didn’t want him to drink and smoke anymore. Ever since this day I can’t remember a time where he picked up those habits again. My brother graduated, got a great job, and is healthier than ever.

The list continues for family crises’. My last story involves my middle brother. This was when he was 17 years old (Junior in Highschool). One night he came home in despair. My parents knew something was off, so they took him in their bedroom and asked what was up. With no delay he confessed to them that he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant. My mom comforted him and started making plans on how he can prepare. My dad felt like a failure and left the room. They didn’t see it then, but this drove my brother to be one of the most hard-working men I know. He learned to put his family first. He learned the value behind money. He failed, succeeded, and failed again. He always got up and was willing to humble himself and make sacrifices. Even though this was a struggle for our family financially and emotionally, things always worked out.

Even though we may not see the future, life crises can be handled. They can somehow turn out to be something good. In my family it happened to be bitter sweet.

We Need to Teach Children Intimacy 

Intimacy is an important part of our relationships with others. In my studies I have learned that to understand intimacy, we must first understand the purpose of families/relationships. Why are families a thing? What is their purpose? I’ll let you ponder on those questions.

We must understand our roles to each other. Teaching human intimacy is a vital role to the human race. Why? It’s because intimacy is a special thing; it is an expression of love to a person. It is a topic that can help children be prepared. Why do you think children need to prepare and be taught this knowledge?

If your goal is to teach your children important morals to help them be wiser individuals, I would say, “Educate them on what love and intimacy is.” There are a few angles we can teach this. First, teach your children what a morally/wise person is by example. Then teach your children the value behind every human being. Teach them that everyone has special gifts and intelligence that hold worth. Teach your children to use these gifts in the way they are best suited to establish good and healthy relationships with others. 

By your example and teachings, your children should know and understand what a wise person is. As you stick with your goals and stay consistent in example, your children have a good chance in being good parents themselves. Honor and encourage one another. 

I hope you that a great responsibility in life is being not just a good parent, but a great one. You create conditions and circumstances. You have the power to encourage. Everything you do can bring the blessing of intimate individuals. This means developing people who are kind, loving, and willing to serve others (being intimate.) Intimacy is all about building.

A good parent is someone who is an emotional coach. This is someone who listens carefully to their child’s emotions and takes these moments to teach.  This will help your children become proud, secure, and happy individuals. This will build your relationship and will essentially rub off on them, leading them to do the same with individuals they encounter. 

The more you communicate with your child with love, the better chance you have in having a human being who loves and trusts you. Your child will love you and will look to you when they hve questions. Once you gain their trust, this is the perfect time to teach. Someday you will have the privilege to teach them sexual intimacy. Having their trust is vital. They will seek to learn and ask for this type of information someday. So, be ready!

For me, sexual intimacy is not appropriate before marriage. I fear that many relationships rush in their development together. We human beings tend to rush and skip the important steps in a relationship. In my eyes it’s important to know someone, then trust them, rely on them, commit to them, and engage in some degree of physical tough. When a relationship is focused on touch then that can define that relationship. I know many couples who engaged in sexual activity before marriage and admitted that they didn’t really know their partner at all. They just saw them as someone who is nice to cuddle or sleep with in bed. 

I believe it’s important to date and really get to know a person. Once you understand the content of their heart, then we can move on to trusting them, relying on them, committing to them, and touching them (simply a hug or holding hands). I feel if men and women waited to be sexually intimate (intercourse) till marriage it will be better for the relationship. How? Well, because after knowing them, trusting, relying, and committing you can learn who they really are. You then can appreciate them and express your love in a way through touch, hence intimacy. Now, how should we teach this to children. My answer, “I’m not a professional.” But, my advice is to educate yourself and teach your children at a time where you find it best. Every child is different and unique. Be yourself, be good, and be wise. Be that awesome parent. Your wisdom will open doors that will help you communicate with your children in a way where they will be blessed.

NOURISH, NOURISH, NOURISH!

My thoughts in this matter are focused on the teachings from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

“Marriage would be happier if nurtured more carefully.” These are wise words from a man name Russell M. Nelson.

 I came across an article, focused on the value of nurturing in marriage. There were many thoughts and insights I came across that may add value to people who are religious and are striving to add good morals to the home. 

Mr. Nelson starts off his speech by sharing a story. He said:

“On a recent flight, I sat behind a husband and wife. She obviously loved her husband. As she stroked the back of his neck I could see her wedding ring. She would nestle close to him and rest her head upon his shoulder, seeking his companionship.

In contrast, he seemed totally oblivious to her presence. He was focused solely upon an electronic game player. During the entire flight, his attention was riveted upon that device. Not once did he look at her, speak to her, or acknowledge her yearning for affection.

His inattention made me feel like shouting: “Open your eyes, man! Can’t you see? Pay attention! Your wife loves you! She needs you!”

Sometimes we may feel the same way, being concerned of someone’s relationship. These experiences are good. They help us learn and observe the possibilities of what the future my look like. These experiences can mold us to become better spouses. 

Marriage brings happiness. This courtship adds more joy than does any other human relationship. Yet, there are many couples who fall short in reaching their full potential. They let their romance slacken allowing other interests to cloud the vision of what marriage really could be. Everyone experiences trials and become distracted. Many forget their vows and promsses they make in the beginning of marriage. Being mindful of this can possibly save and prepare you on how you can better nourish your marriage.

Russell M. Nelson gave three suggestions to strengthen marriage. They are three action verbs: to appreciate, to communicate, and to contemplate. 

He said, “To appreciate—to say “I love you” and “thank you”—is not difficult. But these expressions of love and appreciation do more than acknowledge a kind thought or deed. They are signs of sweet civility. As grateful partners look for the good in each other and sincerely pay compliments to one another, wives and husbands will strive to become the persons described in those compliments.”

 Second is to communicate with your spouse. This includes planning together. Couples need time to observe, talk, and really listen to each other. Cooperating will help them become more united in the bonds of marriage. They should strive to motivate each other. This unity can sustain them when goals are equally understood. Both in partnership should be on the same page.

Russel M. Nelson continues, “My third suggestion is to contemplate. This word has deep meaning. It comes from Latin roots: con, meaning “with,” and templum, meaning “a space or place to meditate.” It is the root from which the word temple comes.” Essentially our home is a temple. It is a place where rules and laws of respect and unity are established. Contemplation allows one to anticipate and to resonate with each other; this will nourish the marriage.

Each married partner should consider these suggestions by practicing them, then determine specific goals to nurture their own relationship. This all begins with sincere desire and the right attitude. Above all, they should strive to not be selfish! May we consider appreciation, communication, and contemplation in our relationships.