Thinking About Relationships

Have you ever thought about the kind of person you want to marry? Growing up, I never understood the importance of family; I never thought about the values behind marriage. I just saw it as two people interested in each other and so they went to court, moved in with each other, and that’s it. But as I matured, I started studying the family and the pros and cons in marriage. For me, the pros have outweighed the cons. I have come to value the importance of relationships. Eventually, I would like to get to know someone enough where I can someday take their hand in marriage and live a life full of progress and wisdom. But it all starts somewhere. It starts at dating.

Dating is very popular in the city of Rexburg, Idaho. Everyone is striving to find someone who is compatible to their needs. I’ve been on many dates; I struggle in finding someone who I best connect with. In my experience, I’ve wondered if there is a “one and only” for me. Is there a perfect match? And will I discover them? These questions are very romantic and dreamy but are not realistic. I came across an article that said, “There is no such thing as a perfect woman. If there was, what makes you think she would be interested in you?” This taught me that no one is perfect. Everyone has a weakness. Every relationship has their ups and downs. You can approach any couple and ask if there was one thing they didn’t like about the other. Big or small, there will be something.

I once believed that marriages were perfect. I believed this because I came across many married couples who showed no display of anger or anxiety. But I was wrong. There is much more that goes behind the scenes. I learned this from my parents. In a social setting, they are always happy and loving towards each other. Yes, they stay the same behind doors too but once one person in the relationship makes a choice that offends the other, that’s when disconnection and fights happen. Disagreements occur. I found this downgrading when I first discovered it. But then I realized that these fights are perfect opportunities to learn and grow with each other. It takes two to tangle; it also takes two to untangle and start again. In relationships people tend to “fall in and out of love.” But people shouldn’t worry falling in love can really strengthen a marriage far beyond than it once was. I’ll use my sister for an example.

My sister was the bread winner in the family with a stay home husband who took care of six kids. The oldest child was 10 years old. The youngest was a newborn. Around this time her husband failed to take care of the children. He wasted time by surfing the web and social media. My sister felt like she was doing everything on her home. When she would vent to her fellow mothers she learned that their husbands were always helpful. Their husbands always took initiative. This got her upset. She saw her husband to be very lazy. The more she picked on his weaknesses, the more she was falling out of love. She was forgetting the love she had for her husband. She was forgetting why she fell in love with him in the first place. This all changed when her husband realized his role. He saw that he wasn’t being a provider in the home. I’m not sure where and how this change happened but he started job searching. He found a job that paid very well. He started helping around the house a lot more. He started engaging in chores, story time, and dinner. When these positive habits started presenting itself, my sister was slowly falling in love with him again. They eventually talked about it. He shared with her why he’s been lazy. She learned that his actions were a reflection of his child development. She recognized these early years affected him and wanted to help.

My sister and him communicated more. They were more honest than ever. My sister has said, “Because of this trial we have learned more about each other. I am in love with him more than ever.”