Parenting is Divine

Growing up I never understood the purposes in marriage. I never saw it as a companionship; this was because I never saw my parents converse with one another throughout the day. They were always just focused on us and not each other. But later I found out they would conversate when the kids went to bed.

My parents are planners. They were planners from the very beginning. They set goals and plans as to how to manage a family. Their goal was to bring forth good and hardworking people to this society. This desire came from their own experiences. My dad came from a family with a lack of parent figures. My mom comes from a family with a lack of father figures. They recognized how these perks affected them and their siblings. My parents felt their own family deserve better. They read books, went to parent meetings, and sought advice from professionals.  One of their number one rules was to avoid spanking and hitting; another was avoiding vulgar language. They held true to these for all four of us.

Parenting is crucial to a child’s development. The way you parent can really set the tone of that person’s life. I’m not a parent yet but I understood the importance when I served a two-year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Being a new missionary, you have a trainer to show you the ropes on how to be a successful. We had a special booklet to follow as well as exercises or activities to practice skills and techniques. When I would run into my peers some of them expressed that their trainers were lazy and didn’t have them work according to the books. This happened pretty often amongst my friends which made it difficult when I would be paired off with them because they would either be lazy or not confident in their occupation. 

I imagined trainers to be like parents. They are there to set the tone and skills necessary to achieve success in your occupation. After seeing our program not being so effective by my peers I had the desire to prepare myself in being a trainer. I worked hard, I studied, and practiced habits to see what helped in making us successful. Others I knew did the same. By the time I trained my own missionaries I strived to make sure they were firm in all aspects of being a missionary. We read our manuals, we practiced, and did all that we could to be effective. Part of being a good trainer was communication. There were many times when I had to follow up with my trainees and see how they were doing mentally, physically, and emotionally. This bonded us; this helped us gain trust and love for each other. As a result, I was able to follow up and see them train others and be successful.

On the two-year mission I came to realize that I cared about our occupation. I cared about the program and I wanted to do good by training good people, so we can bring good to others and spread love and happiness. When I returned home, I gained the desire to be a parent. My desire is to bring in good children with a foundation of faith, love, and charity. I want to bring forth kids who will bless the community. But easier said than done.

Parenting takes careful planning and the right attitude. As of right now I’m studying the importance of emotional coaching. An emotional coach is a parenting style. It is when you are engaged in your children’s words, thoughts, and feelings. Emotion coaching is a technique that helps children understand their feelings. When parents emotion coach, their children learn how emotions work and how to react to feelings in healthy ways. Emotion coaching starts by recognizing your child’s feelings. These recognitions are perfect opportunities to learn and grow together. Try it out!

You Cannot Dodge Finances in Marriage: Prepare Now!

Couples have an anticipation for the most important event of their lives; this is marriage. Yes, love within marriage is important but I’ve learned that marriage requires preparation. There have been many occasions where people ask, “Who is going to manage the finances in the marriage?” Many have not even discussed this topic.

How important are money management and finances in marriage and family affairs? There is a high percentage of divorces being traced to quarrels and accusations over money. There are other estimations that divorces result from clashes over finances. Some professional counselors indicated that four out of five families are strapped with serious money problems.

Marriage struggles are not caused by lack of money, but by the mismanagement of personal finances. Money management should be on a partnership basis between the wife and husband. Both parties should have a voice in decision. When children come in the picture, they too should be involved with money concern. 

My sister, who has six kids, is a master of money management. Her and her husband have weekly accountability with finances. They have a book to keep record of what they’re spending and what needs to be paid off. They occasionally share concern of finances with their children to help them understand their way of spending. There has been times where I see the little ones complaining of how little food they think they have at the dinner table. In response, the older children express the value of money and how much they’ve gone through. Diner table has been conditioned to be a time of love and gratitude for what they have.

Teaching family members early is an importance of working and earning. In other words, children should be taught to work. “I think it is unfortunate for a child to grow up in a home where the seed is planted in the child’s mind that there is a family money tree that automatically drops green stuff once a month.” I couldn’t agree more with this statement from Marvin J. Ashton.

            People should consider self-discipline and self-restraint in money matters. Married couples show consideration and maturity when they are thinking of their partners and families before making own selfish impulses.

            I thank my sister in teaching me this one. She always asks the question, “Do you need it or want it.” I can’t tell you how many times she has said that. But it is true and should be considered. I love clothes and buying what’s new. I’ve been taught to remember that materialistic things do not last forever. If you need clothes, then shop smarter. In my family I’ve been taught to be mindful of deals and discounts stores may offer. Sometimes I even go to my local Thrift Shop to get a better bargain. 

            “Use a budget!” my sister says. We should avoid finance charges, except for homes, education, and other vital investments. Marvin J. Ashton said, “Avoid installment credit and be careful with your use of credit cards. They are principally for convenience and should not be used carelessly or recklessly. Buy used items until you have saved sufficient money to purchase quality new items. Save and invest a specific percent of income. Learn the principle of obedience and meet your financial obligations promptly.”

            Overall, money should be handled promptly. It’s for our achievement and happiness when done right. Following the “What I need” idea can really come a long way in the future. As a man of spirituality, I am confident to say that God can help manage our weakness in spending and finances. His hand is always extended to help us. With service, love, obedience. And diligence, things will always work out.